


the overwhelming light surrounding us

by MageOfCole



Series: Children of Hope and Glory [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Accelerated Aging, Acceptance, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cody deserves better, Cody needs a hug, Description of Injuries, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Female Obi-Wan Kenobi, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Healing takes time, Hurt CC-2224 | Cody, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mando'a, Mara Jade is Cody's daughter, Mara Jade is Obi-Wan's daughter, Memories, Mentioned 212th Attack Battalion, Mentioned 501st Legion, Mentioned Wolfpack, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, POV Character of Color, Post-Order 66, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Pre-Star Wars: A New Hope, Psychological Trauma, Scottish Gaelic, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, the clones deserve better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22483423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageOfCole/pseuds/MageOfCole
Summary: He wants to protect them, but his injuries limit what he can do greatly, and it leaves Cody frustrated and aggravated; not with them, never with them, but with himself. With his aging, useless body, and his bloodstained hands.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Mara Jade, CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mara Jade & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Children of Hope and Glory [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616737
Comments: 6
Kudos: 370
Collections: TexWash's Must Reads and Rereads





	the overwhelming light surrounding us

**Author's Note:**

> What's this? I've already written a follow up?
> 
> Title was inspired by Light by Sleeping At Last

Cody heals slowly.

Because of the genetic engineering done by the _Kaminii_ \- meant to age their clone creations faster so that they could be shipped out to the war front quickly, but also be trained from childhood for battle - he’s already outstripped his _riduur_ in age; her orange hair may be streaked with white and lightened by the sun, but Cody’s has become more gray than black now, his face lined by age and stress. He can feel his age in his slowed healing, and aching muscles.

The Jango Fett clones were never built to last long; they hadn’t been expected to. In the last five years, Cody had aged ten, and the stress of the chip in his brain aged him even more.

The fever had ravaged his body, leaving him thin, with visible ribs and sunken eyes; his broken helmet had left more scars on his face, twisting from his ear to temple and running through the older scar framing his left eye, some dashing across his brow and cheek. He was covered in burns from baking in his armour under the suns of Tatooine for hours before Obi-Wan had found him in that burning rebel camp, and shrapnel from the grenade that had thrown him had added more scars to his back and shoulders.

According to his _cyare_ , it had been the explosion throwing him that had broken the chip that had controlled him for the last five years.

Cody spends the time confined to the bed reconnecting with his beloved _jetii_ , and getting to know his _ad’ika_. He can see the love and relief in his wife’s eyes every time their little Mara scrambles onto his lap to listen to his stories, and her solemnity whenever she has to leave to scrounge for credits to afford the supplies that come with a third, _wounded_ , member with an enhanced metabolism being added to the formerly two-person family unit.

“ _Màthair_ used to have to take me with her.” Mara tells him one day, when he's strong enough to stay conscious for long enough that Mara can be left in the hut with him while Obi-Wan goes out, curling into his side after her mother sets out on an expedition to Mos Eisley for supplies. “I didn’t like it much, ‘cause everyone feels weird. And Mama won’t let me explore.” She adds with a put-upon pout.

Cody doesn’t blame his _riduur_ for not letting her daughter out of her sight when on a planet like Tatooine, and it does something funny to his stomach that Obi-Wan already trusts him to watch their _dinui_ , even after everything he’s done. “Well, I’m not surprised, Mar’ _ika_. A lot of bad things happen on Tatooine.” He tells her, pressing their foreheads together gently.

He spends the days watching his _ad'ika_ play, reading with her, and watching over her while she naps.

There’s only one bed in their hut - it’s big enough for the three of them, and Mara always chooses the spot nestled up against the well, but Cody knows that children grow, and the sleeping arrangements will have to change sooner than later. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t enjoy the feeling of being pressed between the two warm bodies of the most important people in his life, but it does irk him just a little that his _cyare_ always insists on being the one between them and the door.

He wants to protect them, but his injuries limit what he can do greatly, and it leaves Cody frustrated and aggravated; not with his Ben or Mara, _never_ with them, but with himself. With his aging, useless body, and his bloodstained hands.

Laying awake, just listening to the quick little breaths of his _ad’ika_ melding with the lower, deeper breathing of his _riduur_ , Cody’s mind swirls with the memories of the horrors he had committed, his hand shakes with the echoed feeling of pulling the trigger on innocent people who’s only crime was to speak against the Empire - the mindless loyalty and chant of **_Good soldiers follow orders_ ** having stolen the confidence he had once held himself with. How could he trust himself with this happiness, how could his _tranyc_ trust him to be around her little girl, alone with just the two of them for hours while she runs errands or goes scavenging.

At his side, his _jetii_ stirs, and a small, callused hand moves to cradle his face, drawing him from his thoughts.

“Hush, my dearest.” She murmurs, and Cody feels guilty - once, he had been able to shield his darkest thoughts from Obi-Wan, but his mental shields had been shredded by the compulsion of the chip, and he couldn’t stop the worst of his emotions from reaching his _cyare_.

“ _N'eparavu takisit._ ” He whispers, and chapped lips flutter against his cheek.

“No, _ner’Kote_.” Obi-Wan soothes, gently carding her fingers through his gray hair, the other hand petting the growing beard he had yet to shave. “Don’t apologize for your feelings, let me help, _mo chridhe_.” Cody shakes, the stress and terror he had been suppressing since he had first awoken in her home finally spilling over, and he shoves a fist into his mouth to muffle his sobs. His _riduur_ ’s soft voice washing over him as the story bubbles past his lips; how _vod’e_ , mostly from the 501st - the brothers who had been led in the strike against the Jedi Temple, the brothers who had followed orders and killed the younglings in their crèches - who’s chips malfunctioned were often found dead in their bunks, the brothers like Comet and Sinker from the Wolfpack, who had decided to die a different way, by doing as much damage to the Empire as possible. He had killed a couple brothers himself, those from the 212th who had tried to break him out from the spell of the chip and had thus been classified as traitors to the Empire. He tells her of the horrible crimes he had committed in the name of the Empire, the burning of villages, families slaughtered to send a message, children stolen from their families to replace the steadily declining number of clones in the Stormtrooper ranks.

Obi-Wan listens, she listens and she comforts him, despite the fact that he doesn’t deserve it - doesn’t deserve _her_.

“Oh, _Kote_.” She whispers sadly, and Cody turns his head to meet her deep gaze. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry I didn’t save you and your brothers from that - we were so blind, so _blinded_ that we couldn't See what was happening. _None_ of you deserved that - any of it.”

“Rex tried to warn me.” He admits, voice choked and hushed as he closes his eyes to block out the memory. “I _ignored_ it.” Gentle lips kissed away his tears, and Cody shuddered, fingers moving to knot into her sleep clothes, trying to draw her closer but also attempting to push her away because he doesn’t _deserve_ her kindness.

“Would you have done any of that if not for the chip, Cody?”

His eyes snap open, burning angrily at the question, “Of course not!” He hisses, and Obi-Wan smiles sadly.

“Then why are you blaming yourself for something _you_ didn’t do?”

“But I did do it! I pulled the trigger! My orders, my actions, killed them!” His voice is rising steadily; behind him Mara snuffles in her sleep, and both parents still until she settles again, rolling over to tuck her tiny body against her father’s spine. Cody draws in a shivering gasp, and his hand raises to cradle his _cyare_ ’s face, searching her unfathomable gaze. “My hands are stained, Obi.” The heartbroken whisper passes his lips as he drops his hands to rest against her collar bone, fingers brushing the delicate skin of her neck, the steady beating of her pulse hot against his palm.

“Your hands are _gentle_ , my sweet Cody.” She says, gently grasping his hands in her own, staring at him passionately. “They are careful, and kind, and they hold my heart. Just like the man who owns them.” Soft kisses are pressed against each palm before she lifts them to her face once more, and she leans into his limp hold. “You were _used_ , Cody. Your body and mind were violated terribly, and you think that that has ruined you. It hasn’t.”

“I’m not the Cody you fell in love with.” He sobs, heart aching and fingers resting against her lined face. “Not anymore.”

“And I’m not the same Obi-Wan, _ner’Kote_ .” She replies, “We’ve both seen too much, _done_ too much, for that to be the case. But it doesn’t mean that we’re not still worthy of love.” Cody crumbles.

“ _Ni ceta_.” He begs, “ _Ni ceta_.”

“ _Nayc_ , _Kote, motir_.” Obi-Wan tells him fiercely, “ _Nu draar_. Don’t kneel, _rise_. Rise stronger, and wiser, and kinder, _tayli'bac_?” She stares into his wide eyes, expression open and as fiery as her hair.

Lips parting, Cody stares at his _riduur_ in ardent awe, heart pounding in his ears, “ _Elek_ ,” He whispers in reverence, like a prayer, and he can’t pull his eyes away from her. “ _Gar serim_.” She nods, pleased, and then his hands tighten against her face, pulling her closer and slotting his lips against hers for the first time in five years. He clung to her tightly as his self-control was swept away, knotting his fingers in her beautiful hair, his love for her burning in every pore of his being as his heart sang for her. **_I love you,_ **he tries to tell her through his touch, and he’s pretty sure by the small huff of laughter she breaths into him is sign enough that she could sense it in the Force.

**Author's Note:**

> Scottish Gaelic:  
> Màthair "mother"  
> mo chridhe "my heart"
> 
> Mando'a:  
> Kaminii "Kaminoan"  
> riduur "wife/husband"  
> cyare "beloved/loved"  
> jetii "Jedi"  
> ad'ika "little one/son/daughter"  
> dinui "gift"  
> 'ika (diminutive suffix)  
> tranyc "sunny (lit. star-burned)"  
> N'eparavu takisit "sorry (lit. I eat my insult)"  
> ner' "my/mine"  
> kote "glory" (name headcannon)  
> vod'e "brother/sister/sibling"  
> Ni ceta "sorry (lit. I kneel)"  
> nayc "no"  
> motir "stand"  
> nu draar "no way/absolutely not/never in a million years/not on your life (lit. not never)"  
> tayli'bac? "Got it?/Okay?/Understand?"  
> elek "yes"  
> Gar serim "yes, you're right/that's it"


End file.
